My inmost being.

It’s unsurprising that our expectations may differ from God’s plan.  I recently experienced this and wish I had handled it more gracefully.  While God’s plan and purpose are far better than mine, I silently carried around feelings of disappointment that I tried to ignore.  By failing to take those feelings to God, I began to own those feelings.   And those feelings began to own me.  My feelings of disappointment in and frustration with God—while inaccurate reflections of God—became misleading as if they were reality, producing confusion about God.

I hope you can’t relate.  But I suspect you can. 

You might be feeling disappointed with Christ right now.  Of course, Christ never disappoints—the Lord is faithful and true; His ways higher than ours.  So when I speak of disappointment or frustration, I merely refer to our carnal feelings and perspective—not reality.  But because these feelings of disappointment and frustration can be deceptive, they cannot remain unchecked.

My disappointment remained unchecked.  Instead of pouring these feelings out to the Lord, I told myself that God is sovereign and buried the disappointment.   Although I truly have no right to be disappointed in anything other than my own expectations that differ from Christ’s perfect plan, as my disappointment festered, it quickly birthed confusion and doubt. 

And when I finally poured myself out to Christ, my messy, illogical, irrational feelings became peace in the hands of Christ.  I want this for you.

I implore you to take the disappointment, the frustration, the confusion, the uncertainty, the fear, the chaos to God—even if you cannot articulate it, even if you cannot explain why, even if your feelings are petty in light of God’s sovereignty.  These matters of the heart matter to a God who has numbered the very hairs on your head.  The God who created your very inmost being cares about what goes on within.  Indeed, a God who invites you to cast your anxiety on him undoubtedly concerns himself with your feelings.

Please don’t drown in feelings that tell you otherwise.  Please don’t let your negative and confusing feelings guide your reality.  How dangerous it becomes to believe fleeting, illusory, or misleading feelings will remain mere feelings.  These unbridled feelings—feelings not cast onto and surrendered to God—quickly become beliefs that skew the truth of God.

And here's the truth: The Lord cares about every aspect of you.  The Lord is good and has good for you—even if that good is yet to be revealed or different than you imagined.  The Lord is in control and will accomplish that good in you.  But you're going to miss this if you continue to be dominated by the misleading feelings you refuse to relinquish.

I pray you pour out your chaotic, nonsensical, unfounded, bewildering, overwhelming, inarticulate feelings to God—the God who affirms you and replaces your feelings with peace.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  1 Peter 5:7 (NIV).

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”  Matthew 10:29-30 (NIV).

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  Psalm 139:13 (NIV).

 This is my story these days. And it's a darn good one.

Much love to you,

Paige